Tuesday, December 1, 2009

What I Know...

The past few months have taught me a lot of things, I still have a long way to go but here are the things that I know...
~People want to talk about their loved ones they have lost. Don't be afraid to ask them about their loved one or share your own story or memory of them.
~You won't harm anyone (in this family at least) by asking "How are you?" or "You have been on my mind lately" or "I really miss Jack" or "I have been thinking about you/Jack/your family." It is a comfort to know we aren't the only people that miss Jack.
~I know that I am open to any question anytime about this whole thing.
~I know that when people tell me that Kate looks more and more like Jack everyday, it makes me happy.
~I know that SOMETIMES wet tears falling down my cheeks feels so good but hugs ALWAYS feel so good from Dan.
~I know that now or ever is NOT the time to tell me to accept Jesus Christ or God into my life. I don't tell others how to do their hair, how to vote or how to live their life, I don't think that others should tell me how I should believe because I have suffered such great loss. Please, let me believe what I do and respect what I don't. As Dan says, "We've never considered ourselves religious, just spiritual."
~I know that hot chocolate chip cookies do make things a lot better.
~I know that 3 years ago today I told Dan that we were pregnant with Jack. It was one of the happiest days of our life. I'd go back and do it all over again if I could.
~I know that life keeps giving me lessons. Sometimes I am tired of learning.
~I know that I'm still figuring out for myself if there is life after death or if your life just ends. If there is a heaven, I know that Jack is safe and happy. If his life and spirit ended several months ago, I know that he had a fantastic life, period!
~I know that it is hiliarious that Jack thought dog poops were called "yuckies" and that he thought every bed my sister slept on had "kitties" under it.
~I know that there isn't enough time to take enough baths, give Kate enough snuggles and to find the right words to convey to Dan how much I appreciate him and love him to accurately reflect what I really mean.
~I know that getting only one child into a carseat is so much easier but then again, I am not afraid of hardwork. I AM chainsaw certified in the State of Oregon!
~I know that I am still finding legos under furniture and it makes me smile.
~I know that I took a risk being a parent...being vulnerable and loving something so much that at times it hurt. I took a risk and the sacrifice was worth it.
~I know that sometimes I am afraid to check on Kate before heading to bed.
~I know that the sound of Kate in the morning, awake and alive is music to my ears, even if she is crying.
~I know that we couldn't do this without friends, family and complete strangers who have lifted us up so high and continue to do so. A million thanks...


Amber said...

Three years ago today! Wow. Wow wow wow, how much has changed, and keeps on changing.

I think about you guys all the time, and have a picture of Jack on my fridge. I didn't even know him but through your stories and blog, and I really miss him.

Anne Witt said...

Good message you sent today, Krissy. I think of you EVERY day and wonder how you are doing.


jenbkelley said...

You amaze me! I, too, think of you MULTIPLE times EVERY DAY and when I read posts like this it makes me smile! You are so strong and positive and Jack was SO SO SO lucky to have had YOU as a mom for his 2 fun years of life! I cannot imagine how you do it day after day, but you do and THAT impresses me SO MUCH!

I only had the opportunity to meet Jack one time, but I feel like I know him from all of your wonderful blog posts! The weird, yet wonderful thing is that Jack Turpin truly changed my life! My son has a better mom and I appreciate all the little things just a wee bit more! I think I have a version of Jack on my hands.....energetic, funny and super cute!

Hugs and love to you all,


The Lunoff Adventures said...

I miss Jack. I don't correct Hannah whan she see's blonde hair smiling happy boys and calls them "Jack", we get a freebie balloon each trip to HEB and when I/Hannah let it go, we say "for Jack"! Chain saw certified....didn't know that!! That's awesome!

Tina D said...

Thinking of you and your sweet Jack. I enjoy reading your blog.
Read this earlier this evening from another blog. Hope it gives you some comfort.

Grief is a process, not a state. --Anne Grant

Grief is itself a medicine. --William Cowper

He that conceals his grief finds no remedy for it. --Turkish Proverb

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. --Matthew 5:4
Tina D

Briana and George said...

Well, I know that you are an amazing woman, friend, mother and wife. Your blog entry brought tears to my eyes this afternoon, especially reading about you finding legos under the couch. Daily reminders of an amazing little boy. Your reflections on Jack and parenting help keep my life in perspective, and remind me to not take anything for granted. I love you, girlie.

Lourdes said...

I still find matchbox cars in unexpected places from the last time our little buddy Jack visited us. It makes me so happy and sad at the same time.

I feel so lucky that I was fortunate enough to experience Jack's awesomeness!