I took Quinn to Picture People today. As we were waiting, I could see into one of the photo areas. There was a little boy being photographed with a tie on who was about 6 months old. I would bring Jack to this same location and one of my favorite pictures of him EVER (and I certainly had a ton to pick from) was of him sitting with a tie on. I looked at the mom who was laughing and having a great time with him and my eyes filled with tears instantly. That used to be me! I had to stop myself from feeling jealous towards her or thinking "You don't know how good you have it" because what do I know? I have no idea what her struggles could be...Anyway, it was so unexpected and really made me think that you just never know what you have until it is gone. Or, maybe you know what you have and that you are lucky but you don' t truly and fully appreciate it until it is gone?! My loved ones got hugged a bit tighter tonight and Jack was thought of more today.
As our lives continue to develop, our family grows, we become interested in new hobbies, et cetera, the life we had with Jack becomes more distant. The empty space in the family puzzle where he should be is a shape that continues to change. It is sometimes a challenge to figure out how it fits into what we are now. How do we keep him a part of our lives that are continually changing and moving farther away from the time we did have with him? I know that Jack will NEVER be far from my heart and that our continuing to live and grow is what we should do and Jack would want us to do but sometimes it just doesn't feel right. At those times too, I remember that even a puzzle with a missing piece can be just as fun to put together.